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  • Issue 5: Loss Grief and Transformation
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October 15, 2020

I Could Not Be Lori

Writing by Deborah Kaplan

By Member of The Mystery School

The Spontaneous Writing Circle is a peer-led group in The Mystery School. In timed sessions, a member will read a poem or excerpt of prose after which the group write what's present to each of them, unedited and uncensored. The intention is to have the words appear while any effort to create them is surrendered. Each person then reads their writing to each other, and no critique is offered. This absence of distinctions and value judgments has created an open and lively space of ease, appreciation and creativity and a constant experience of wonder. This piece was written in one of these circles.

This poem speaks of courage as I have come to know it.
I have come to know courage by not being afraid to seeing it in others.
So, Courage is now a collection of ways to see it.
I’ve been a brave girl …from the beginning …
in a particular way.
Brave to stand in what I couldn’t look away from.
And speak to it
as if nothing else existed.
But Brave …
could have been another
who suffered in patience
with a different insight
Into standing in the moment.

We must all carry Bravery from where we are – at some point.
But it doesn’t envelop all that we need to be brave for.

I could imagine
that Bravery
like every other distinction
is a characteristic of being human …
And to assume that , it opens our awareness to acts of Bravery
that are not our own.

I could not be Lori.
So, I am not.
As much as jumping from a plane
As well as facing death in pain.

But, I am a certain kind of warrior.

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