Jeff Carreira has recently written about a life without regrets as well as the “fear of the unknown” which often stops us from changing. It brought back a memory for me, for a time when I found there can also be a certain joy in the unknown.

In 1996, I was fortunate enough to be included in some of Carlos Castaneda's “secret” classes. A group of us would be invited to meet at a rented dance studio in West Los Angeles on a Saturday or Sunday, and gather around him as he pointed things out to us and made suggestions for experiments we could try. One day I found myself in the front row, just a few feet away from him. He was very short and lean, standing just under 5 feet tall, and was casually dressed. One would probably not even notice him on the street, except perhaps that he seemed pretty fit and had a lot of vitality for someone his age. He usually came in with a big smile and would joke around in the beginning, and then get around to pointing out things about the human condition in ways that sometimes seemed exaggerated, sometimes comical, sometimes tragic, and often all of those together. As he stood there, he started twirling his finger in the air. After a few seconds of this, he said (paraphrasing), “This is how we are, we are just going in circles! If you really examine your life, you will find endless repetition. Your life is a set of routines and habits which you repeat year (twirl) after year (twirl) after year (twirl). With a bit of seriousness he continued, “There is a comfortable predictability, because you already know what will happen if you stay on the path you are on. But there is another way; you can change your mind at any time and do something different. And I can point out the way, but I can't tell you what will happen because I don’t know! The thing is, we have endless possibilities. We are unknown to ourselves, and we have latent abilities that we are not even aware of. You can decide to step out of your habits and routines, and see where it leads. But don't just take my word for it, try the experiment and find out for yourself!”

This was a pivotal turning point in my life, as it struck a chord deep within me. I had to agree with him because it was true! My life was a set of routines and habits, and year after year was pretty much the same. At that time, I was living the “American Dream” in the suburbs. I had the husband, the house with a mortgage, and the corporate job. My in-laws had a lot of traditional expectations from me which I found annoying. I felt I was leading a kind of ‘secret life' as a closet meditator, and interested in all kinds of spiritual things that I couldn't even talk about. I realized that every year was pretty much the same and would continue to be that way as long as I continued doing the same thing.

I decided I was ready to move on. I moved to Los Angeles to be with a community of like minded people, and I've never for a moment looked back or regretted it. My friends and family thought I had lost my mind. In this new life as I was following the practices recommended, I found more magical things began to happen. And at some point I began to believe that it's not that they just started to happen, I believe they happen all the time for us if we just are paying attention and have enough energy and awareness to see it.

Throughout his teachings, Carlos Castaneda would often tell us we had to first and foremost break our habits and routines. We even had certain practices and movements called “not doings” to help us with this. He would explain that our routines and habits keep our perception and views fixed and rigid, so nothing new can come in. Breaking habits and routines result in more fluidity in our lives, which is necessary for gaining the awareness and energy needed for perceiving our reality in new ways. As we tried out different ways of being, we learned that our so-called identity was indeed very flimsy and almost arbitrary if we examined it close enough. We played with different identities, and tried new names and behaviors. The community I was in was having quite a lot of fun with this and the other practices, and it definitely was helping us find new possibilities. Synchronicities became more commonplace, as were unusual events. Dreaming aware (also known as lucid dreaming) was also happening with more frequency. With the practices, our awareness and energy was definitely expanding! It wasn't always comfortable, but it certainly was a magical world filled with more awe and mystery.

I hadn't thought about this for a while until recently at Jeff's last summer workshop, where we did the exercise of taking another name and identity, and optionally a foreign accent. Not only is this an extremely fun thing to experiment with, but I found knowledge I wasn't aware that I had, coming out of my mouth through this different identity. I believe it is true that we are unknown to ourselves and we really do have latent talents and abilities that we are not even aware of. We are a mystery, and the world is a mystery. Our possibilities are truly endless, and we can change at any time. We can pull unknown things out of the field around us when we're fluid and open, and not attached to things being a particular way. So I would invite you to try it out and see what happens for the pure fun of it!