I remember … being a child, a young mom, then kids grown. Confusion about what was real. I knew there was more than other people seemed to realize but I could not get past all the barriers I had put up. Kids grown though and it was time…time I could risk falling apart. Hah, but instead of falling apart I opened up the locked places in myself. Scary but imperative. Then more change.. Native men standing before bulldozers, Indian (India) women feeding their kids cooked grass when there was nothing else. And my mind knew that it was killing the real me when it thought it was protecting me. And my mind lost its dominance. Amazing. Fire was alive, I knew unquestionably what i needed to do. No doubts. No questions. Just clarity of action and inaction. Body vibrating faster. Why couldn’t everyone see it? But then weeks later I let it fade away.

It has been 30 years now and I still know what is real and what is societal illusion but the vibration is gone. I know how to get it back and it is as effortless as turning to look a different direction. But it is scary. My mind says I can’t do it now….babies and young adults still need care…..excuses, excuses. I know I can be fully awake and still function. I’ll do it later. I don’t have time to do it now. Stupid to wait. I’m 80. What if my mind becomes weaker and forgets how to let go? All it takes is courage. It is so much easier to do what I have been doing for 20 some years….take care of other people and not my soul. It takes courage to put the mind to bed and function with a guidance society says does not exist. Do I really want to come back again and struggle to know what I do now?